


FanFic100

by LostNTheShadows



Category: Lost Boys (1987), Lost Boys (Movies)
Genre: Community: fanfic100, Funny, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-01
Updated: 2009-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3314276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostNTheShadows/pseuds/LostNTheShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Except it's unfinished so there aren't 100 little story blurbs here.  But I figured I'd share what I have done.  Don't expect any more than what's here.  These are years old as it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FanFic100

**Eddie Munster**

_We are the gods of the evil undead. We toasted that sorry excuse for Bon Jovi. This is easier than I thought. Just a dog and some holy water and you’re good to tackle the demons of Santa Carla. Bloodsuckers beware. We own you._

_What the hell is that?_

A rumbling could be felt under the bed and Laddie burst through it moments later in full fang. He ran across the room, trodding across Alan’s stomach in the process.

“Holy shit! The attack of Eddie Munster!”

_God dammit, they’re spawning! Demon child. That girl is guarding him? Let him come at me . . . I’ll take him on. Sure thing._

**Food**

“Marko, food!”

Marko rolled his eyes.

_Marko get the food. Marko get the bottle. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Why can’t he leave me to tend to my pigeons? Makes me waste gas, it’s a pain in the ass to balance the food on my bike. What does he expect me to do, install a basket on the front? I always get some kind of goo on my seat. I’ll get him his food all right._

“I’ll take four number twelves, three twenty-sixes and just throw in a bunch of rice and egg rolls. And duck sauce.”

_What the hell? Who stole my bungee cords? I’m going to hurt someone. I’m going to get grease stains on my chaps now. Shitheads._

“Feeding time! Come and get it boys!"

**Chinese**

“Chinese. Good choice.”

_That pygmy shit knows I hate Chinese. It makes me bloat yet he gets it anyway. And he knows I can’t complain in front of Michael. What the hell would that make me look like? I’m supposed to be the leader. What the hell’s the point if no one listens to me? That’s it. I’m telling Max. And now he hands me rice. Plain white rice. I’m cutting his mullet when he’s asleep. Fuck this. I’m passing it off on the noob._

“How can a billion Chinese people be wrong?”

_Just take it! Lo Mein? What the hell? Christ, where are the chicken fingers? Oh. Half-masticated in Paul’s mouth. Great, the disgusting cow._

**Nanook**

“Chill out, Nanook.”

_Kid, look. I’m a dog. I would think that’s rather obvious what with the fur and taste for Alpo. All I do is chill out. You move me here. I have no idea where I am. There are funny things in the living room that I don’t know if I should eat or hump, your brother’s gone evil and your mother’s oblivious. And who is that old man? He smells like smoke and rawhides. Can I gnaw on him? He even kind of looks like a piece of chewy. But you really need to stop talking to me like I have any clue what you’re saying. Need I say it again? I’m a dog. Just feed me, pet me, play with me and, when needed, provide some “company” for me. Thanks._

**Newsprint**

“Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something?”

_Who are these guys and what comic book did they step out of? They really need to cut down on the Dracula and Rambo movies before bed. Are those their parents? Jeez. No wonder these guys are toasted. God. I can’t believe Mom moved me here. The only two people my own age are ready for Army Youth and I don’t have my MTV. What Batman is this?_

“I’ll pray I never have to call you. Sure.”

_If this is what I’m going to have to look forward to, seclusion isn’t looking all that bad._

**Garlic**

“Garlic don’t work, boys!”

_And they call themselves vampire hunters? Man, I could run circles around these fools. I eat garlic for breakfast. Well, no, but I do like it on a good piece of chicken . . ._

“Try holy water, death breath!”

_Son of a bitch! Those little shits got my mesh wet! Awww, it feels strange now. Wait, my hair! What does my hair look like? Where’s a mirror? You dumbass. Sigh. I’m really going to have to hurt them. First the mesh and now the hair? Man, I can get over the whole melted face thing. Chicks dig scars anyway. Wait, do I scar? Where’s that paper cut?_

**Jim Morrison**

Dwayne stood in front of the newly acquired portrait of Jim Morrison now hanging on the cave wall, arms crossed over his chest, frowning.

_We really need to stop letting Star choose our décor. Not very masculine to have a picture of a half-naked man on the cave wall, now is it? Girl’s too brooding and all “pity me.” The kid’s cool but why do we need to keep her around? David won’t let me give her a mohawk, I can’t write on her face with a Sharpie. Really, no fun. We’re taking decorating tips from a girl who needs to walk sideways through a door. No wonder David got sick of her. Probably leaves tumble hairballs in her wake._

“Dwayne!”

Dwayne turned his head and raised an eyebrow in response.

**Beat Box**

_Like a virgin. Ow! Touch for the very first time! Like a ver-er-er-irgin. Hear my heartbeat for the very first time. Oh no, baby. I don’t got no heartbeat. Ha!_

Paul jumped up onto the broken fountain’s edge and grabbed his beat box, lifting it up to stand next to him. He made some adjustments and then strummed away on his air guitar.

_Let’s go all the way. Yeah. Let’s go all the way. Damn. I got to stop. Star’s such a prude, man. No wonder David’s got the quakes. Ha! Bet Mikey’s gonna get some luck with her. Damn. Should I fuck before I feed or feed before I fuck?_

**Closet Monster**

“The real reason I divorced your father was because he never believe in the closet monster.”

_My god. Dad’s such a prankster. Always was. I’m sure it’s nice for him to have kids in the house again. My sweet boys. Michael knows but Sam, I just can’t tell him the truth about his father and his slu . . . mistresses. I guess you fall into the traps that lies make. Max seems nice enough. He did give me a job, after all. I just hope it wasn’t for ulterior reasons. But really I’m not that blind. He’s silly, goofy, but it’s endearing. But it’s too soon. The boys wouldn’t take to him. I know Michael wouldn’t. And Dad just doesn’t like anyone._

**Double-Stuf Oreos**

“This is where I keep my root beer and my Double-Stuf Oreo cookies.”

_Kids better not eat them. I keep track. I can’t tell them I actually count the cookies. At least they haven’t found the pot._

“Read the TV Guide, don’t need a TV.”

_Don’t they know anything? My brain provides all my entertainment and that’s more than enough. There’s always town if I need some excitement but I think that may be too much. I’d like to keep my blood in my body. Dead animals are better than undead people anyway. Knowing my luck, I’ll be dragged into the middle of their shit kicking and screaming._


End file.
